The Small Things
by Daramenii
Summary: Tohru Honda is not the nice girl the Sohmas think she is – far from it. Luckily for her, she has no trouble hiding her secrets from her housemates. But sometimes it takes an outsider to notice the small things…Rated for mild language and general wrongness
1. The Hat

**Author's Note:**

My second fanfic (see 'A Caged Heart). Haru may seem a bit out of character (but I hope he isn't – once he actually appears in the fanfic, which is soon, I hope) – but I don't know him too well. Not as much apologizing now (though I do apologize for the rushed ending of my first fanfic – I got sick of it after a while and just wanted it to end). If you don't like this fanfic, you probably won't like any of my possibly-future work.

You may notice a slight change in tone. Only in a few places, of course (Just a warning in advance). Let's just say … that I have a few friends who are a bad influence (but how others have remained as innocent as they are, I will never know). And if you don't understand anything, you will when you're older. Or, hopefully, you won't at all. Well, actually it's nothing compared to all those X-rated fanfics, but when if you're mind is deep enough in the gutters, anything can mean something else. Not like mine. Of course.

Also, there are many references to and details about the CIA in this fanfic. I have no idea if any of it is true, since much of it was created in the haphazard wilderness that is my imagination – so I would greatly appreciate it if I am not tarred and feathered for any untruths. Or for any truths that were not meant to be revealed to the public. With that said, I would also like to mention (for no particular reason) that there are, without a doubt, no aliens whatsoever, and even if there were (which there aren't), they most certainly would not be being probed (and even if they were, it definitely would not be probing of the anal kind) at this very moment in any closed-off sectors of North American territory. Ahem.

Anyway – comments welcomed, but much criticism probably won't be listened to, since I tend to not take any of it in until after I have completed the fanfic, as I fear it might put me off. Or maybe I'll actually listen to it, and it might just help. I usually (usually meaning according the first and only other time) wait till I've written most of the fanfic (or at least have a better plot idea than I do now) before I post it, but I need motivation to continue, so I have decided to post the first four chapters I have up.

Once again: Time between chapters varies. So please hold.

Story set at several different times (it fast-forwards at places – only once so far, but I'm just warning you again), but hopefully you can figure out where bits fit without my help. 'Cause I sure as hell don't know half the time.

Also, I don't own Fruits Basket nor any of their characters – only how they act in this fanfic. So please don't sue, because I have no money. Even though I suggest that you sue me in my profile. It's just a hollow threat, really.

Oh, and this is just the working title, just because I had to name it something, and I was listening to Blink182 (All the Small Things, for all you un-seers-of-words-that-aren't-there). But I suppose if I keep it, I'll have to work that in somehow.

And even though this is set in Japan, everyone speaks English. Hey – if all the other fanfic-writers are doing that, why shouldn't I? I don't bloody else know how to do it…

Enjoy!

PS. Not all Author's Notes will be this long. I promise. (Bloody f! It's over 500 words!)

**The Hat:**

A tall woman stood in the shadows of a tree atop a small mound-like hill, both towering over the rest of the graveyard. She wore a black trench coat, with a wide-brimmed hat of the same shade sitting slightly crooked on her head. A delicately patterned, black veil of lace hung from the hat and curtained her face. The only other colour she wore was the indigo of the lacy hatband that encircled her ornate headwear. That, and a bright blue headset which the veil had stubbornly refused to conceal.

Apparently the Agency had run out of black ones.

She always made calls from a graveyard. It was the only place where one could go unnoticed for long periods of time while talking animatedly when completely alone, and dressed completely in black. With big lacy hats.

You see, upon the initiation of an agent's employment in the Agency, the agent is required to obtain, by means legal or otherwise (though the former is customarily preferred – that is, by a slim margin of the more principled members of the generally unscrupulous organization), a suitable accessory to hide the main features of one's face (as is essential to those in that particular choice of occupation). The majority usually chooses a pair of stereotypical, black sunglasses with reflective lenses, but this particular agent had paid a visit to the most renowned hatter in the vicinity and had purchased what the entire Agency had since referred to as 'the hat'.

Many of her colleagues wondered why she even bothered with it, since her auburn bangs masked most of her face anyway. The truth was simply that she loved hats. Especially big, lacy ones.

But today, not even the hat could lighten her dark temperament.

"What!"

"I'm sorry, Agent Smith." Approximately two hundred and fifty-eight metres away, trapped in the confines of a tiny office in one of the lesser of the top-secret Japan-based sub-divisions of the Central Intelligence Agency of the United States of America, Patrick Carter cringed. No one liked being the one to give Agent Smith bad news. Actually, that went for all the Agent Smiths (and indeed, there were hoards and countless hoards of them), but this one was especially irritable. Her voice screeched horrendously when she was upset, and even more so she was unbelievably pissed off. Which she was. Right in his left ear.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. The boss said that if we were to send in a female infiltrator, it would be preferable that she was reasonably ignorant of the methods of espionage, deceit and the like, so as to better educate her. Someone with such… experience as Miss Candy would simply not do."

"God damn it, Carter! Wh-"

Suddenly, a movement in the edges of the agent's peripheral vision caught her attention. A young couple stood in the distance, eyeing her uncertainly. In an instant, she had switched from absolutely livid to sorrowful and desolate, altering the yet unarticulated words forming in her head to something that would better fit such an occasion.

"Why, Carter? Why did you have to die? Oh, why couldn't it have been me? Oh, why couldn't I have been the one to spontaneously combust? Why, my Carter?" she sobbed, one fist outstretched to the great unknown, the other clasped close to her heart.

The couple shifted uneasily and hurried away, keeping their prying eyes fixed on the ground.

"At another graveyard?" asked the voice in her ear, after a brief silence.

"As usual." She said, daintily drying her eyes and dusting the lint off her shoulders. "Now, where was I?"

Carter remained silent, hoping that she had forgot. Unfortunately for him, this Agent Smith had an amazingly photographic memory, unlike another Agent Smith who was really far too old to even be in the business at all.

"Ah, yes. Where on earth does the boss expect me to find a young, attractive, naive girl looking for a job and somewhere to live?"

"Well, I don't know. I'm just the messenger. Look around – keep your eyes peeled, I guess."

Agent Smith sighed.

"Thanks Carter. Bye." She tapped the side of the headset, a manicured finger completely ignoring the veil. She sighed again. "Oh god. God, god, god, god, gods."

A pair of keen, green eyes surveyed the graveyard dejectedly.

There was a crowd of people surrounding one of the graves, but few of them were female, and only two were in the suitable age range. However, the taller one appeared to be armed (very discretely, mind you) with something resembling a lead pipe - and the other was just plain freaky.

"Oh bloody -" Agent Smith exhaled loudly.

How could she expect that another would-be-agent would appear conveniently within a ten-metre radius of her current location? Had she lost all sense of reality already? What did she think this mission was? Some random unpublished writer's fanfic or –

A muffled sob sounded from other side of the tree.

Agent Smith froze.


	2. The Beginning of a Beautiful Friendship

**Author's Note:**

No one has commented yet because I haven't given them a chance too. Huzzah for hats!

Nothing else to say – Author's Notes are just a habit. Year of Shigure – hopefully good for Fruits Basket fanfic writers that do not own Fruits Basket, except for the poor, orange-haired outcast that lives in their dreams. If you haven't guessed yet, I am a mad Kyo fan (KYO!), and it kills me to have Haru as the main guy (but I have to admit, he is pretty damn AWESOME/hot), which is why Haru's taking a while to make his entrance, and Tohru says as little bad about Kyo as possible.

Does that make sense? Whatever. Next chapter.

**The Beginning of a Beautiful Friendship:**

Someone sniffed.

The someone sounded unquestionably female.

Agent Smith didn't know how she knew, but she just did. It was one of the many tricks she had picked up during her service at the Agency, like the ability to be aware of your surroundings when blindfolded, gagged, ear-plugged and tied really tightly to a chair.

She silently stepped towards the tree, and peeked around the side.

There, stood a young girl in the sunlight, trying to compose herself and dry her eyes.

Perfect.

"Hello there."

Startled, the girl pivoted quickly. Agent Smith smiled, rather impressed. Lightning reflexes, ability to efficiently locate the source of a sound, gracefulness…

But then she saw the eyes.

A pair of utterly bewildered, panic-stricken, 'Oh my god, there is an evil, homicidal, lunatic-werewolf-murderer-spider-monster-thing right in front of me and it's going to tear me limb from limb into little bite-size pieces and eat me whole at the same time!' eyes.

Ah, yes. They would definitely have to work on that.

"Eep! Umm, what – ehh, I'm sorry, who -"

"Agnes Smith." Agent Smith interjected, sighing inwardly. It was yet another nervous-rambling type. She hoped it would be worth it.

The girl blinked.

"Eh…"

"Don't worry, my real name is far more flattering."

"Oh. Okay. But, um -"

"Yes, well. I wanted Lynn Bond, but what can you do?"

"Umm, I don't -"

"Precisely."

"Oooh-kay… Umm, do I -?"

"No, probably not. But I heard you need a place to stay. Right?"

"Yes, but how -"

"What's your name, then?"

"Oh, I'm so sorry! I'm Tohru Honda, it's a pleasure to -"

"Please wait a minute." Agent Smith turned her back to the girl, tapping a button on the earpiece of the frustratingly bright blue headset, still apparently not seeing the veil as an obstacle at all. "Hello?"

"…Hi?" Tohru tilted her head slightly, somewhat baffled.

"Shh!" The agent stepped away and cleared her throat. "Search: Honda, Tohru."

"Umm… What -"

"I said be quiet! Yes, that's right. Miss Honda, Tohru."

Now completely at a loss, Tohru watched wordlessly as the peculiar woman in black mumbled and muttered incoherently under her breath, occasionally nodding. Finally, the oddity turned again to face her, smiling faintly.

"It's done. And I'm sorry about your mother."

The girl only looked more confused, and a tad sadder. She blinked back a few tears and took a deep breath, but her lips remained tightly fastened. Agent Smith was very pleased. Obedience was the one thing you needed to last in the Agency – everything else could be added. Or taken.

"You may speak."

"Ok. Umm, I was just wondering..." Tohru paused, trying to figure out which question was puzzling her most. "How – wait, what's done?"

"Oh, just everything." Agent Smith laughed. "A home, a job, money – your entire future, pretty much."

"…But, I don't -"

"Any minute now, your grandfather will come looking for you, offering you a place to stay. You will say yes, but you will refuse to let him pay for your school tuition. You will insist that you get a part-time job. As a cleaner. But do try to keep it casual."

"Ehhh?"

Suddenly, an elderly man approached them, eyes hooded. Saying not a word, he embraced Tohru tightly. Agent Smith raised an eyebrow. It was either the girl's grandfather, or a damned straightforward chap. You could never tell these days. But the girl hugged him back, so she presumed that the man was an acquaintance of… some kind, so it didn't really matter.

"Your mother was a good woman. A bit high-spirited, but noble. Now, Tohru, are you all right?" He stepped back to get a good look at her, furrowing his brow fretfully.

"Yes, Grandfather. Thank you." Tohru looked down, hurriedly wiping her eyes dry.

Feeling that she was intruding in on a family moment, Agent Smith tried to subtly slip away, but the old geezer had pretty good sight for someone that ancient.

"And who is this?" he inquired, with a rare, genuine politeness.

Tohru looked back and forth between her grandfather and Agent Smith, slightly flustered.

"Umm, well, you see, this is, umm – my friend, Lynn."

The woman in black blinked, slightly taken aback. Well. That was a new one. It was usually 'Just some person I know', or 'An acquaintance from the office'. Or at the very least, 'I have absolutely no idea - call the police quick!'

The old man smiled.

"Well, hello. I thank you for comforting my grand-daughter." He bowed slightly, then turned to Tohru. "I came to ask if you wanted to live with me."

Tohru hesitated for a moment, doing her best not to look at Agent Smith, then burst into an explosion of 'thank you's and 'I couldn't possibly's, while her grandfather laughed good-naturedly, insisting that it was nothing.

Agent Smith, now very, very impressed, coughed subtly.

"Right!" Tohru exclaimed, stamping her foot down firmly and raising a fist high in the sky. "I will get a part-time job and pay my school fees myself!" She smiled at her grandfather. "That way I won't be bothering you too much. You're being too nice as it is."

"Tohru! It wouldn't be a problem at all to pay for your school fees – I don't mind-"

"No, no, no! I insist!"

"If you're sure-"

"Oh, I am! I'll work really, really hard, Grandfather - don't you worry!"

"All right, Tohru." He smiled, shaking his head. Such a determined little child. "But if you ever need help, just ask. Oh, Tohru – where are you going to get a part-time job?"

Tohru paused, trying to remember what her odd new friend had said.

"Um… I'll clean! Yeah! It's good, honest work!"

The newly-dubbed Lynn held back a snort. The grandfather still looked a bit skeptical – best to be on the best behaviour.

"But where -"

"There's a building nearby, and I know some people who work there. Don't worry, I'll take good care of her." The strange agent smiled.

"Ah." The old man looked at Tohru, who nodded quickly in confirmation, then turned to Lynn, grateful. "That's wonderful. Thank you."

"It's not a problem, sir."

"Well, then. Tohru, we shall be leaving soon. I'll meet you down there -" He waved his hand vaguely in the direction of the entrance of the graveyard. "- in a few minutes, and then we can go and pick up your things. It was nice meeting you, Lynn."

"A pleasure, sir." Lynn bowed politely.

"Thank you so much, Grandfather." Tohru beamed, hugging him again.

He smiled, then drifted off into the distance.

There was a brief, slightly awkward silence between the two young women standing beside the tree atop a small mound-like hill, towering over the rest of the graveyard.

"Well… Umm… I like your hat."

"Thank you."


	3. Tick Tock, Tick Twitch

**Tick Tock, Tick Twitch:**

- - - - -Some timeframe later… - - - - -

"Are you sure you will be okay by yourself, Miss Honda?" a concerned Yuki asked yet again, as Tohru grabbed three coats and attempted to nicely usher him out the front door.

It was a fine Saturday morning, though a tad windy, and all the Sohma boys had a busy day ahead of them. Yuki had several school-related meetings to attend, as well as a doctor's appointment, and a certain flustered editor had demanded Shigure's presence at a writers' convention on the other side of town. Kagura had earlier hinted that she might pop by to visit Kyo, who claimed that he needed to train today anyway.

Yet no one seemed to be in much of a hurry to leave.

"She'll be fine, ya damn rat!" shouted a voice from somewhere beyond the front door of Shigure's house. There was a pause, then Kyo's bright red face appeared in the doorway, trying to look at Tohru and avoid eye contact at the same time. "You will be alright, right?"

Tohru flashed her typical brightly beaming grin over the bundle of coats in her arms.

"Of course!" She glanced at her watch, then suddenly morphed into an erratic frenzy of arms, legs and coats. "Ahh! Look at the time! You'll all be late! Hurry, hurry! Don't want to keep anyone waiting – that would be so rude – quick, hurry!"

She threw the coats at the Sohmas. A nimble hand grabbed the first, but the other slapped its oblivious owner head-on, then was angrily plucked off to reveal a zipper-imprinted face just as bright as its owner's hair.

The third coat landed with a thump on the ground.

There was a prolonged moment of confusion, when all that could be heard was the silent creak of three heads turning to look at the same spot on the ground.

"Just a minute - I'm coming, I'm coming!" sang an all-too-familiar falsetto.

Yuki sighed, slowly putting his coat on.

Kyo rolled his eyes and disappeared, presumably to sit on the porch.

Tohru looked around restlessly and twiddled her thumbs, growing more and more anxious.

Then, there fell a silence so dead that one could quite easily hear the barely audible circular advancement of the second hand on Tohru's wristwatch, the ticking of which conveniently sounded between various fidgety movements of the three impatient beings in its vicinity.

Tick.

Yuki straightened his shirt.

Tock.

Kyo yawned.

Tick.

To-

"Um, Shigure, I don't mean to rush you or anything, but -"

"Ta-da!"

A neat, polished man slid into view. He grinned dashingly and struck a pose.

"Fetching, isn't it?"

Unimpressed, Kyo stood up and dusted himself off.

"Yeah, yeah, it's great. Can we go now?"

Tohru smiled.

"You look very charming, Shigure." She looked at her watch yet again and gasped. "Oh my god! Now you'll definitely be late! Quick, you'd better go!"

She tried to shoo everyone away, but Shigure merely waved his hand, unperturbed.

"No need to worry. Ha'ri was kind enough to offer me a ride, and I'm sure that he wouldn't mind chauffeuring these two."

"Oh." At a loss, Tohru stopped, slowly lowering her hands. No one appeared to notice her left eye twitch slightly during the millisecond it took her to find something more to ramble on about. "But you'd better not keep Hatori waiting! It's so nice of him to take time out of his busy schedule to help – so off you go! Chip chop, chip chop!"

She had already successfully gotten Yuki outside, and proceeded to push a now resigned Shigure after him. Kyo didn't seem to need much encouragement, and stood outside waiting, continuously glancing over his shoulder somewhat agitatedly.

"Ok, ok. We'll be back by dinner, I should think." said Shigure, finally taking control of his own feet and following his impatient cousins. "Bye, Tohru. Take care of yourself!"

"Goodbye, Miss Honda."

"Yeah, see ya."

"Have fun! Bye! Take care!"

Tohru stood at the edge of the porch and waved cheerily, still smiling as they walked off into the distance.

Only when they were completely out of sight did the corner of her mouth, still curved into a smile, move the slightest inch.

"About bloody time, bastards."

**Author's Note:**

I'd just like to take a moment to remember a day some time ago, when I accidentally whacked a friend's friend's friend (pretty much just some person I'd only known for a couple of hours and was REALLY tall) in the eye with the zipper of my jacket. Actually, it was half purpose and half accident. That is, I meant to hit him with my jacket, but I never planned for the zipper to basically stab him in the eye!

Well, honestly, I didn't remember at all – but a friend (whose friend's friend I had injured) pointed it out afterwards, and apparently this is all the fault of my guilty subconscious. So there you go.

(By the way, if the guy who I'm talking about is, for some odd reason, reading this – I'm really, really sorry! And I am even sorrier that I can't remember your name either…)

Also, I said 'timeframe' because I don't know when exactly it was – but it is set quite early in the anime. It doesn't really matter much anyway, since I'm pretty much warping the whole thing – but thought you should know.


	4. A Battle of the Wits

**A Battle of the Wits:**

Tohru's face fell to a not-quite-solemn but not-so-jubilant expression, and the light in her eyes twinkled a shadier shade.

"Oh god, it's getting worse." she muttered, her recently waving hand lowering to massage her cheek. "Gahh…"

She inhaled deeply and, as most people do, exhaled soon after. Then she stretched her arms over her head and wrinkled her nose.

"O-kay!" She lowered her arms and rotated her head half-way around twice. "Back to work!"

The girl turned around to re-enter the house, stepping on Kyo's forgotten coat in the process.

Sourly, she picked it up and draped it over her right shoulder.

It fell off.

"Ok…" Growing in exasperation, she picked it up once again, this time draping it over her left shoulder. She paused for a moment, but nothing happened.

Feeling somewhat triumphant, she took a step forward.

Then the coat fell.

"…You've gotta be joking…"

Rolling her eyes to no one in particular, Tohru snatched up the uncooperative jacket and trudged inside. With her free hand, she slammed the door shut behind her. Much to her dismay, her third step landed on yet another forgotten coat.

She froze, not even needing to look down. Only the roaring flames in her eyes revealed the sheer fury that was seconds away from exploding within her. Three, two, one –

Tohru exhaled loudly through gritted teeth.

"I am not a friggin' maid."

She glared down at the coat, which lay so arrogantly on the floor. So pompous, so cocky – so full of itself! It had once been so noble, an item of clothing that dared to be called a friend of mankind, but now – such disgrace! To resort to tormenting a poor, innocent girl who had treated them with nothing but kindness and compassion? For shame, for shame.

Tick -

Tohru's eyes snapped across to the watch on her wrist.

Silence.

Lowering her head slightly in approval, she turned her gaze back to the coat beneath her foot.

Then it clicked.

Smirking victoriously, she moved her foot away and slowly bent down. With the thumb and forefinger of her free hand, she delicately picked up the coat by its collar and stood up straight.

And then placed the entire article of clothing upon her head.

"Hah."

Tohru walked proudly into the corridor and opened a closet, roughly hanging both coats inside.

Still surprisingly smug, she strutted up the stairs and headed to her bedroom.

"I'm seriously starting to think that the stress is getting to you." drawled a muffled voice from her sock drawer.

**Author's Note:**

This is, admittedly, a very-almost-completely pointless chapter (the only non-pointless-ness being Tohru going into the house and a voice drawling from her sock drawer). Apologies if you disliked it or thought it plain mad, but bonus points if you, like me, could actually see the scene in your mind.

But fear not - the men in white coats will be here for me soon.


	5. The Art of Bursting Bubbles

**Author's Note – An Interlude:**

Hey!

It's been a looooooooong time. As in, pretty much a year.

Very very very VERY sorry.

Consider it a little-but-not-so-little interlude.

So, just putting in this author's note as a little message to the people who have my fanfic alerted (heee! Was previously unaware of that little option-y thing. But HEEHEE.). And whatever little collection of readers of whom I have captured the attention of (I also apologize for the fact that I never directly reply to any comments, but hey – if there's one that makes me want to reply to it enough, then I will, alrighty? So DO! Please!).

Aaanyhow.

The next chapter (which is still being worked on) is kinda boring, but it gets more interesting. Really.

Someone dances.

And LATER.

Guns are FIRED.

GUNS are fired.

Guns ARE fired.

Now the question is – is there really meaning to the strange and seemingly-just-plain-silly variations of emphasis, or am I just being CRAZY?

Hahahaha…

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack.

–ish.

--Daramenii

PS. I didn't want to do that whole confusing thing where everything gets shoved down because of this author's note (ie. Chapter 5 becomes labeled Chapter 6, etc etc) – plus I'm not really sure if you're allowed (or supposed to, as I got away with it anyhow) to post chapters with just author's note, so Chapter 5 is straight underneath this!

Enjoy!

**The Art of Bursting Bubbles:**

The bright expression on Tohru's face soon distorted into one remarkably akin to the crinkles on the side of a quickly deflating balloon.

"Oh, just shut up." she grumbled, passing the chest of drawers and landing with a flop on her bed. "And anyhow," She paused to face a corner of the ceiling, and stuck out her tongue. "You're not supposed to do that. Rules."

"Well, Carter's not here and the house is empty, so it doesn't matter." Retorted Lynn, through the only device in the house (aside from the common telephone, of course) that allowed the Agency to communicate with their under-cover agent. More specifically, a small microphone hidden alongside the strap of a particularly lacy black bra, which was decidedly unlikely to be met by wandering hands any time soon.

"Fine then! Next time I wanna break some rules, and Carter isn't there and the house is empty – it won't matter either!"

"Sure. Knock yourself out."

"Okay - I will." Tohru rolled onto her side and shut her eyes.

"No you don't! While the cat is away, the – actually, the rat is away too, but hey, you get my drift. So get up! There's work to do!"

Scrunching up her face further, Tohru yanked the pillow from under her head and covered her ears.

"Lalalalalalaaaaa – I can't heeeeear you – lalalalalala-"

"Oh, just stop it already. There's no one around to watch your antics anyway. Well, technically I guess there's me – speaking of which, pull up the back of your skirt – I can see your underwear. Unless that was intentional. In which case, mission accomplished. It even matches your outfit."

"Alright, already! Shut up." Tohru trundled off the bed and attempted to tug up her skirt discretely.

"Saw that." interjected Agent Smith.

Tohru smothered a sheepish look by pulling a face.

"What, then? Any extra spying you need done? Impossibly-impossible under-cover missions? With theme music, sneaky gadgets and everything?" Her suddenly twinkling eyes glazed over as she gazed into some distant world of fashionably dangerous espionage. "Do you need me to storm into a perilous building, heavily armed with shiny guns under one of those long swishy Matrix coats, and take care of any unfinished business – no, ancient feuds – ooh, one that's been simmering in the undergrounds of… London! Or Rome! Yeah! For centuries and centuries… just simmering… waiting to burst into an explosion of debris, sending hundreds of corrupted corporate buildings into utter states of… rubble! With bad guys finally getting their comeuppance and I, Agent Tohru Honda-"

"Will review the video surveillance tapes. You've been slacking off."

"Ughhh..." The disgruntled agent sat back down on the bed. "Look, I still don't understand why you lot can't bloody do it yourself-"

"Because we're busy! This isn't the only top-secret case we're working on, you know!"

"And yet you have enough time to analyze my undergarments?"

"Correction – undergarment. You're not wearing a see-through top today."

"Oh my god! I should file for sexual harassment, or something!"

"Hey, I'm just pointing out the details. Oh – and by the way, there's a separate, little mini-mission set aside for you. It's in the neighbourhood – convenience, and all."

"Oooh!" Tohru changed gears so quickly that she almost squealed, and the sparkle in her eyes started to return. "When? Where? What?"

Lynn laughed through the sock drawer. Oh, the enthusiasm of young spies.

"Not for a long time – I'll give you the details at least a week beforehand. And it'll just be minor stuff, really. You're too inexperienced for the big cases. Other than this, of course."

And just like that, the sparkle was gone.

"Oh. Alright."

"On the other hand… One of the other Sohmas – about your age, he is, too – you'll be meeting him soon."

Sparkle, sparkle.

"Mmm… really?"

Sparkle, sparkle.

"-ish."

"Hm? What-ish?"

"Soon-ish. You didn't let me finish my sentence." stated Agent Smith, as if she wasn't enjoying every second of messing with her subordinate. "So – well, not for a while, really. I shouldn't even have really bothered to tell you yet."

"Oh… Fine then – what do I do in the mean time?"

"Hmm… I guess you could… review the video surveillance tapes!"

Too tired to bother arguing any more, Agent Tohru waved her hand in the direction of the camera, in submissive acceptance of her next mission.

**Author's Note:**

Oh yeah - just wanted to randomly say that I just went on a semi-frenzy to reply to all the reviews I got (thanks, by the way!) – for my other fanfic A Caged Heart too (but some were dating back from aaaages ago, so I didn't really reply to all the earlier reviews).

Aaand yeah.

That's it, really. -


	6. Technical Difficulties

**Technical Difficulties:**

Upon her arrival in the Sohma household, Tohru had been instructed to discretely install two cameras in each family member's room, in addition to a set of mini-speakers in her own room, so that she could receive any emergency calls at the speed of light (or sound, rather), as well as further instructions – which primarily involved installing more and more borderline-microscopic (and surprisingly hard to install) surveillance cameras. The first of the original two: a typical and unnoticeable spot in a corner on the ceiling, to give a bird's eye view of the entire area. The second was more of a recent invention and still completely unknown to the general public; a thin wire, which ran along the inner edges of a frame (in this case the largest mirror in each room, since everyone knew how vain the male ego was when it was alone – or, at least, when it thought it was) and sent electric signals (invisible to the human eye - obviously) across the surface, recording all information by – well honestly, she didn't know exactly how it worked.

All that mattered was that it did, and that all data was sent via infrared signals to three little CCDs (Compact Compact Discs), which were safely stored in a small machine that could pass for an old-fashioned cassette player, lying forgotten in a dusty corner, and could be left untouched without any suspicion.

Picking it up, Tohru headed to the spare room and into the closet (a roomy little thing it was, considering), where she had set up her laptop. Very carefully, for it was more than her life to do anything to damage the strange machine in any way, she opened it up.

"Okay, time to see what the Sohma boys have been up to recently…"

Her hand hovered over the three little discs.

"Hmm… So many choices…"

_Sohma, Kyo  
Sohma, Shigure_  
_Sohma, Yuki_

Even after a rather maturing re-education with the CIA, she always flinched at the mere idea of what might have occurred (recently or otherwise) in the uncharted depths of Shigure's lair – the source of all things (living, inflated or otherwise) that went bump in the night, more often than not. Shortly after she had settled in, Tohru had witnessed part of a most unforgettably traumatic scene which took place in that dreaded room during the early hours of one perfectly frightful morning, and should never again be repeated for fear of corrupting the poor, innocent minds of the greater public (or all public for that matter) – or at the very least, cause them to not-so-spontaneously combust into millions of little but very, very disturbed shreds.

In other words, it was best to leave that one for as long as possible. She had kept to that philosophy throughout the entire duration of her stay at Shigure's house, which was probably why she still had large quantities of unseen footage collecting dust. That is, not to say that the footage actually collected dust, as the special material that CCDs were made of was both insect and dust repellent.

Deciding to stick with a safer option, Tohru chose the first and carefully slotted it in her laptop.

She pressed play and sat back.

The screen was divided in half. The left side showed the information from the ceiling, while the right showed everything the mirror reflected. But no matter which way you looked at it, it was still no more than what it was.

And it was: an empty room.

"Is this thing working?" Tohru pressed the play button repeatedly.

The disc was working fine; she could hear the faint whirring noise. The room was just empty.

"Oh bloody -" Irritated at the lack of interesting activities, she pressed another button. The hands on a clock on the wall spun around rapidly. Other than that, nothing had changed but the direction of the sunlight through the room's window. It was almost like a scene from a cheesy-but-attempting-to-be-deep-and-fooling-no-one-quite-frankly Hollywood film.

"So this is what it's like to watch a room in fast-forward." She sighed. This was pathetic. What did the CIA expect? They were just boys for god's sake! Stupid, seventeen-year-old bastards – even the one ten years older acted just the same - all pretty much without peculiar or secretive lives (excluding the relatively unimportant consequences of the Sohma curse, of course), if any - or even girlfriends! And consequently, at most times, they were almost ridiculously and unbelievably horn-

Suddenly, an orange-haired figure flew into the room and towards the dresser, hesitated in front of the mirror, then proceeded to circle madly about, waving its arms around in a very disturbing matter. Quickly pausing the recording, she rewound it, then paused it once again, just as he was passing the mirror.

Wearing only a towel wrapped around his waist. He'd probably just left the shower.

Either that or he just enjoyed waltzing around the house almost nude.

No, wait – that was his older cousin. And yet another unnecessary spectacle she had been forced to witness. But in the meantime, she pushed that image away, and basked in the glory of what lay right in front of her.

"Da-yumn, Kyo…"

She refrained from swooning. He may have been a little temperamental, but one had to admit – he was appealing and currently topless. And that was always a plus. Constant training had paid off.

After taking a second more to drool over him, Tohru let the footage continue.

But what followed next was… rather disappointing.


	7. A Beat in the Twitching, and the

**Author's Note:**

Yeah, it's ridiculously delayed, I know, but psssh, I never said I'd update regularly! Ah, sorry…

Anyway, I don't know if there's actually a proper bed in Kyo's room, but hey, as far as I know there's technically no proof that there isn't. Either way, let's just pretend there is, alright: )

PS. Oddly enough, the guitar solo was the hardest part to write. You'll see what I mean.

**A Beat in the Twitching, and the Danger of Towels:**

Kyo spun around to face the mirror. His mouth curled into a sly, wolfish grin.

"How you doin'?"

The words seemed to linger for a while, seemingly too embarrassed to move any further.

Tohru cringed. Definitely minus ten points for that.

As if he had been thinking the very same thing at the time, Kyo shook himself a bit, and searched for a different tactic. Shortly, he took in a deep breath, in the hopes that expanded lungs would add further to his height. All the while, it was quite obvious that he was trying to 'remain' looking suave and mysterious.

"The name's Sohma. Kyo Sohma."

Neither the delivery nor the name did any justice to the line. Still, it seemed that Kyo was not to be discouraged, and attempted yet again to be what he thought was probably seductive.

"Mee-ow! Rrawr!" He posed pompously, flexing his muscles. Considering that his were already somewhat noticeable, he was probably better off to just stand there with a mere 'Yo'. But then again, that would have been nowhere near as entertaining.

"Oh, Kyo…" Tohru shook her head and tutted. Unless one had the support of government-funded character readjustment facilities, it was extremely unadvisable to try to experiment with one's own demeanour. Especially not right in front of a giant camera.

Anyway, Tohru supposed, at least he was doing something more with his time. Previous afternoons had merely involved Kyo walking in or out, stretching, dressing (not that Tohru was looking), sleeping soundly or having rather excited dreams.

Still, though, she hoped that this was just some sort of temporary hormonal overload. It was hard enough as it was to live in the house as 'Tohru' without spontaneously combusting into fits of laughter at the general absurdity of her housemates.

A suspicious moving of shadows on the screen grabbed her attention once more. She caught a glance of another 'come-hither' look before Kyo stepped away from the mirror.

Now he stood facing nowhere in particular, and bits of him started to twitch oddly. Tohru frowned apprehensively.

Wait.

There was a beat.

Oh dear god - there was a beat in the twitching.

Now she could even see that there were hints that his foot was tapping too. His hands seemed to be clapping the air between them - except his right hand was partly closed, and moved far more erratically than the left. Hm.

"Dun dun daaaan, daaa na naa naan - go!!!"

Well, that cleared things up. He had been playing the air-tambourine. Except now it had been thrown away for what could only be an air-guitar with a splayed air-drum-kit attached to it.

"Dun dun daaaan, daaaa na naa naan! So one, two, three take my hand and come with me, because you look so fine that I really wanna make you mine! Dun dun daan, dun dun da da-"

Tohru grinned, sinking back into the cushiony air of utter amusement at another's expense. Kyo proceeded to bang at the drums and cymbals that floated aimlessly around the room, occasionally strumming away at all twenty-four strings of the guitaresque creation that he held in his hands. His hair danced too, like a bonfire on a windy night.

With all the spinning, it was rather surprising that his towel was still remaining in place. She kept an eye on it though, as it threatened to surrender to the awesome might of gravity at any minute - and, of course, she was worried that the towel might get dirty if it landed on the floor, or perhaps it might be stepped on, causing the stepper-onner to trip and fall at a horribly horrible angle, which would in turn lead to the immediate breaking of many important bones. Towels were dangerous like that.

Tohru was in luck, however, because there was no one around to remind her that this amusing little performance had occurred quite some time ago, meaning that she would have already been informed of any injury.

Completely unaware of all of this, Kyo leapt up onto his bed. The towel still clung to his waist him faithfully. Or, perhaps, the towel had just wanted some time in the spotlight - as, due to the positioning of the mirror, the upper half of Kyo's torso had now disappeared from the right half of Tohru's screen. Either way, it made the recreation of the song's guitar solo quite peculiar.

"Ahhh yeah! Neeeoooo nooo neeeeeooo, noo neee-eeeooo, noo, nooo, nee-ee-eeooo noo, noo neee neeoo-oo-oo! Neeoo noo neeeooo, noo nee-eeeooo, noo, nooo, nee-ee-eeooo noo, noo neee neeoo-oo- ahhhhh, I could see - you home with me - but you were with another maaaaan, yeaaah! I know we ain't got - much to say, before I let you get awaaaay, yeaaaah-"

He fell back with a thump, landing sideways across the bed, and badda-bummed the end of the song at varying volumes. But soon enough, it seemed to have melded into yet another ditty.

"Dun-dunn, da dun-dunn, da dun-dunn, da da-da da-da dun-dunn, da dun-dunn, da dun-dunn, da da-da da-da… I - wait, oh - um…"

Tohru chuckled in the silence. The poor boy had forgotten the lyrics.

The quiet stretched on for a bit longer. Then, he rose with a decisive jump to his feet - that is, what quickly became a not-so-decisive jump, punctuated with a snigger from Tohru. Kyo's feet confused towel with blanket and blanket with towel - which essentially meant that they had pushed away the wrong thing. But, after an awkward scramble over constantly shifting material, Kyo managed to steady himself. The towel hung dejectedly over the edge of the bed.

Of course, there was no need to reach down in hasty embarrassment. After all, he was in the safety of his own room, and alone, as far as he knew. And furthermore, because there was no one around to taunt him, he could just pretend that nothing had happened, and fast-forward to a chorus as planned.

"I'll be the switch she turns on-"

Judging by Kyo's expression - that is, during the second that it had been visible to the camera, before he stood up at full height - there promised to be another exhibition of a skillful amalgamation of the mating calls and strangulation sounds of various forms of wildlife. And this meant that he probably wouldn't bother with any pants for at least a while longer.

It was just a tad uncomfortable, considering the placement of the camera and all.

"-dadada dadada dadada dadada-"

Was the gyrating of the hips really necessary though?

"-nee-nee-nooo, nee-nee noo neee nee noo neeooo neeoo neeeeeooo-"

_Click._

"Okay, next tape."


End file.
